Walking Into Window Panes

Detachment

2010-09-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

If you're afraid. It means you have something to lose. It means that there's the possibility of being hurt.

Detachment removes the fear of loss. Thus the cause of suffering.

Detachment removes humanity.

Suffering is part of being human.

When you look into a mirror, what do you see?

When you look into a window, what do you see?

If both of what you see is similar. Congratulations...You have successfully elevate your own awareness. What society would term insanity.

心灵墓地

2010-08-22T20:14:00.001-07:00

这里是心灵的墓地，是悲伤的枕头；
墓场中一棵巨大的菩提树，挂着上万人存托的记忆；
想丢掉的，想放弃的，想遗忘的，都丢到这里来；

一个人茫然的走在一望无际的墓地，你了解我的寂寞吗?

看着无数的记忆，我感然叹息,不经悲伤从来。

世界是那么的美好，但是人们却选择忘记不完美的回忆。

难道他们都遗忘了，美好的回忆是来自哪里吗？

何谓尽

2010-08-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

过不去，回不了，爱的桥，打不开，一生悲，心已灰，放不下，哪儿飞？　　

去不到，动不了，你的心，在天边，半生垂，心已累，放不下，哪儿追？

那是拟人手法

2010-08-17T01:28:00.000-07:00

全心全意的关心你，就算你对我没什么印象，也无所谓。了解爱？我不敢当，明白什么是关心，什么是保护，什么是照顾，我还能。。

有了你的关心，你的照顾，雨天也会变晴天，掉到嘴角的眼泪也会变成微笑。。。谢谢你。。。

Cut deep Cut true..

2010-08-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like a child who has been passed a very sharp knife.

I could cut to heal or cut to hurt.

I pray that you would give me the strength to uphold my duty. To never stray. To always walk the path of love. For i fear what i would become, if i were allow myself to be tainted...

These are very tough months. When the winds stop replying my whisper. I need to find someplace where the winds still speak.

I understand the cycles. That which i cannot control. But I have choices to make that i feel tired of making. Thus i fall into the cycles.

What is the final answer? To pass into nothingness? Or to embrace all and live with passion?

One isolates, another burns...

Soujourn

2010-07-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

You are part of my memory, therefore should I not keep you happy? Keep you safe and warm? Keep you alive through this hard times?

I took this one and only chance to come back to make things right. I will not fail you again...

I remember what you thought about, how you used to pour your heart to me.

What I promised and which promises that were broken.

I remember your joy, your sorrows and how you broke down in tears that night...

I remember how you were afraid of the dark, afraid of the loneliness that came along with shadows cast on the wall by the ceiling light...

I remember how you used to sing softly to the song playing on the stereo.

I remember meeting you the very first time. Seeing how your eyes filled with sorrow...And the waning sparkle of yearning and hope.

A sorrow that I came to understood and love.

Perhaps you know me not. But allow me a little doubt, that this is not the first time we have met.

You would have forgotten, the final promise that was etched in my soul. That I would come back one day again. And that I will never make any more promises, only prophesies....

Like the Passing of the Wind

2010-07-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

一片片树叶，
挂着茉莉味。
飘香随风游，
燕子穿插着。
柳树的摇摆，

调皮地风，
挑逗着树叶害羞的绿发，
来去自如，
时强时弱,
一阵突响的吁吁声。。
唬惊了草丛中地松鼠，

蓝天白云，
天上玩着迷藏的风筝，
突然似失去了灵魂。。
一伞一伞的扑向大地，

风呢？
谁偷走了...

A lovely friend

2009-09-01T06:40:00.002-07:00

In a jewel box, not
Your lovely pristine image kept,
In carve gold frames,
Unfit to hold,
Thy auburn crown
As only smooth rivers may flow,
Mischief tinge eyes
Even stars falter aside
Of chimes of passion of surprise,
Hearts may melt if made of ice
Once fix upon by thy humble gaze
And me i may only wish upon the skies,
And hope that heaven pities me
Wrench my lonely soul away,
From where even angels pale to stay.
For beggars like me,
Unmatched, uncouth, un-divine..
Have no place beside those nimble feet
that have thread lightly upon numberless hearts....

Weariness

2009-09-01T06:40:00.001-07:00

Life is a burden, it is an unwanted gift.

It chooses to awaken you, without giving you a reason.

Like a marionette, you obey the master puppeteers.

You have to live because life demands it of you.

Life is a burden, like a thousand thoughts unwritten.

It hangs upon your shoulders and demands full attention.

A bell that rings of constant annoyance.

To remind you that you cannot lose it...

Without losing yourself.

The heaviness of the heart.

The pinpricks of conscience.

The plastic masquerades.

The bundle of rules.

The infinite wait.

Strength seeps from ridges of the crack heart.

Where weariness leak through the gaps.

Faith dash to pieces upon sanity.

Innocence sunk to the deepest death.

Believe blown away by doubt.

Life is a burden, born to be bore by an unwilling soul...

Aenigma

2009-08-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

I wait, untouched
Till the end of days
the body passed but the spirit whole
for Him,
essence of morning glory
flutter of dove feathers
three drops of sorrow dew
form by dreams
He is never there,
only messages
written in wind, water and fire
bridge unfound to cross
Time spins in circles
He watches you,
I saw
and envy...

Rust I

2009-07-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

One by one the light bulbs go
like dust silence settle across the floor
from cracks and crevices the unfound grow
thus begin a night of laughing sorrow...

A puff of phorus
Yellowish glow
the torch of the wanderer
dampened by shadows

clinking pouches
slightly hunch
beneath the arches
crept the Gun

twirling sawdust
fluttering webs
creaking rot
wheezing breathes

Boredom Rambles

2009-07-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps Douglas Adams was exact on his argument that we may all know the answers to our questions. But the problem is that we do not know exactly to what questions those belong to.

Goals have been achieved, but the purpose of the goals have been forgotten.

Journeys have been walked, but the sense of satisfaction is absent.

Companies have been made and lost, but no parts of the puzzle have been solved.

Yet, time does not stop to ponder upon these..no such luxury. It whips us up on a ride , one single ride of a lifetime with the eventual suspense of being pounded to pieces upon a cliff side.

Strap on...strap on. Fate may bring you upon this path. But bulldoze it into a highway, so that others may walk it easy.

Peace cannot mix with passion. Price for every prize.

God is the loneliest supreme being in existence because there is no Goddess since God is supreme?

No religion explains what is the purpose of Creation. Merely the process of Creation.

Waiting waiting for the bloody annoying thing to happen so that i can play....

Change is Mirrored

2009-06-13T03:42:00.000-07:00

The safest thing from Change is a Mirror,
each thing that moves into It's sight is 'seen' and passed on,
the hills that we once sat upon may shift and crumble,
rivers change course or cease to flow,
the usual couple on the bicycle may never pass this way,
nor will sorrow or hope always be present.

The safest thing from Change is a Mirror,
It's frame may rust and turn to dust,
but see it will all things past,
keep memories it never will,
the deeper you go the more you see,
not of It, but of you and me..

The safest thing from Change is a Mirror,
the safest thing from a mirror is a lie,
It shows you not what is true,
see you must of what you wish,
what you see
mundus vult decipi

The safest thing from Change is a Mirror,
but even mirrors fog in time,
Curious isn't it,
what lays within
the mirror when it is covered,
whether by cloth, by dirt or by lies....

Precendo Chicken k'a Egg.

2008-12-26T19:10:00.000-08:00

Why we mammals? The need to pass through so many psychological stages in the process of growing that surpasses even those physical changes of insects. Such complexity, and yet so little study about it. Why bother to create things, to mold our environment, to make a difference in the world when we can't even understand ourselves? Or is that rather the microscopic lenses that we place ourselves under. A process to study a process. What happens when the snake bites its tail. That perhaps there is no real beginning or ending. Life is as it is, merely a picture painted on the wall. Like a Mona Lisa's smile. A guess work of no definite answers. Valuable only after death for scrutiny. Without a divine purpose but with the mere objective to exist, to survive.....

Truth

2008-08-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Truth is like a light that shines through all physical and non physical entities.

It cannot be hidden.

It is alive and always seeks its own path to the surface.

Ride on Truth, for all Truths come together at the end of the journey.

The Freudian Equation

2008-08-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

One great thing i've learnt this day,
For i've doubted before.
What Love ever was,
Or whether it twinkles not.

To find it by Fate's guided hand,
Questions answered yet not understand,
T'was only when Love was lost,
That thou shall know, whether Love ever was.

Hence this life filled to a brim,
Before the age of thirty five,
Old as seventy it seems,
Has achieve its cycle of strive.

One by one, the equations are cast,
Until no more a man in an empty shell,
but th' spirit unbound.

Interesting New Books in the Library

2008-08-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

Sunny Wheels

2008-08-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

Perhaps on this road to Elysium,
Lies a pot of gold.
But the Beggar does not see beyond the mound of dirt,
And curse Fate with bitter words.

Fate O' Fate!
Why does thou put rags on me?
What wrong hath i done but live..
To suffer this hollow dream.

Fate flutters by silently,
Voices speak "Move forward little one,
And thou shall find it hollow no more..."
But like whispers of the wind,
Words bounded seldom are un'cipher.

Tired i am to travel,
Laments the Beggar,
Back down the path to his unwanted hut,
He walks...

Fate sighs and moves on,
And the Devil flashes God a grin,
God returns a kindly smile,
Shivers doubt in the Devil's spleen.

Half a Wing

2008-06-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

I trust in thee who lies within,
Beneath the skin, sinew and bone.

Hold me and keep me tight,
Cover me with white.

My heart burns like heated stones,
Crimson wicket in a fog,

Break this ice that holds all doubt,
Seal Pandora's lock.

Half a wing,
Your name is,
Here, hold my torch.
Lest tears shatter this flame.
And God's grace fall upon it no more.

You

2008-06-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

You lie your head on the pillow, and there's that unsickeningly sweet smell. Something you cannot identify at first. You feel around, trying to see whether the bed was warm before you hop unto it. Wondering whether some pretty girl had been lying on it without your knowledge.

Then it hits you. That its the goat's milk shampoo that you've been using. The one you're sharing with mom. Sweet...too sweet for your taste. But then, you weren't one for complains. So you just use it. And hope Mom gets Dove the next time. Less heavy on the senses. Much more manly perhaps?

The Room.
It lacks personality. Like there hadn't been anyone real staying in it for some time. Book's lying hazardly on the table-cum-shelve.
Smilling Buddha is sitting on the top shelf. Doing what He's been doing for the past 9 years - smilling of course. Not because He's happy, or that He's enlightened. Nothing nirvana about Him. He's just doing what He does best, smilling. Sometimes, i smile when i look at him. Maybe smilling is infectious. Who knows? The 50 year old aunty selling wan-tan-mee at the shop down the road sure is infected too. She smiles everytime she sees me. You just can't help smilling when you see how everything seem to move in circles. It's in the extra portion she gives when you order small.

Quelqu' un m'a dit

2007-11-30T19:16:00.000-08:00

Somebody told me, that the purpose of life, is to prove to God what it meants to be human. To sent our message across to God. That We can see things as His equals.

理 (Li) - 1

2007-11-28T03:13:00.000-08:00

Man must suffer pain in order to gain the peace of mind. He must suffer on his own accord or be forced to suffer by the will of higher orders.

Fate

2007-08-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Fate works in very strange ways...
Sometimes, its workings entwine into un-divineable knots.
We are like puppets, a string hung to each limb,
connected to a wooden cross-stick suspended high beyond our mortality.
Without bounds, our minds are free to roam,
Only to be jerked back each time by those invisible hands with invisible demands,

Fate is sweet sometimes,
Like a flower whose petals are about to feather off with the breeze,
Yet hanging in the moment,
suspended by forces uncomprehending...
Standing on the edge, staring into a beyond too immense to fathom.
A cliff dropping to heights of darkness,
A spot of light at the non-ending horizon.
Beautifully reverberating,
Sweet and seducing.

Fate is bitter and ruthless,
High waves that throw lovers apart,
Breaking ideals and hopes, Scattering seeds of discord,
It is a poison fang sunk deep into the umbilical cord,
Pumping pain between child and mother.
Frantic and uncontrollable.

I am waiting for thee,
I have seen thee,
I have known thee well enough to say,
Fate does not deserve thee,
Come to me....

Holiday

2007-08-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

Ah...holidays.

The quietness it brings. All three of my messenger lists are quite empty at this time. I'm enjoying the solitude with some light tunes from The Time Machine(2002) soundtrack..I love H.G Wells, but i like even more those imaginations that stem from his stories.

Recommended movie - 200 Pounds Beauty (Korean story on plastic surgery, quite beautifully made)

At times, Man can keep a good book as a companion and forfeit the presence of humanity without lost.

Recommended Books:

Our lovers

2007-07-30T05:46:00.000-07:00

Promiscuous, thats the both of us

Me and she, and our lovers..

We never tell and never share their secrets,

Hidden in public spaces

Behind shelves and inside cupboards,

When we're lonely, or angry or feeling funny

We run away with our lovers,

To the grand old oak at the cemetery,

And make love beneath the whispers,

With our lovers,

And the leaves flutter like paper,

Blown to the hut beside the cliffs,

The sea dreaming of climbing waves,

To where we melt with our lovers...

Under the broken windows,

Forgetting pain and the freezing cold,

Naked with our lovers.....

Into the darkness of ink which paint colors.

*Pictures by Seán Duggan - http://www.f1point4.com/f1point4/2007/03/index.html

Munich 1972

2007-07-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

Munich (2005). The movie about the Munich Olympics massacre where 11 Israeli athletes were held hostage by the Black September group and later killed when the German authorities attempted to save them. 3 of the killers apprehended were later released back to their Arab countries as heroes due to complicated international policies adopted by the Germans at that time. The Black September group formed and mastermind by Arab Palestinians were successful in get the attention of the world through terrorism in order to get back Jerusalem. In retaliation, Israel formed a assassination squad of 5 to hit the 11 men in charge of Black September. This movie is about the perspective of Avner, a civilian hired by the Mossad and placed in charge of five other commoners with individual specialties (none in murder). The movie places more emphasize on the emotions faced by Avner, how the group started with feelings of enthusiasm of working for their country. Killing each individual on their hit list, most with families and their own ideals, started to change their perspectives.

As new leaders stepped up to take the places of the dead Black September founders, now more cruel and ruthless. The Black September retaliated by more acts of terrorism and started hunting the 5 of them down through the very same source Avner found to track down the 11 leaders. It shows how complex politics in the world of espionage is when you don't even really know who your allies or who you are working for. Facing with the dilemma of 3 deaths out of the 5, and the unending numbers of Black September members, Avner decided to call it quits and return to his wife and child whom he has asked to escape to Brooklyn from Israel for fear of their life. A man with a conscience who started to hunt him, he started to doubt his superiors in the Mossad of merely provoking a crisis that cannot be ended. When questioning his superior about how they intended to end the hydra-like crisis of Black September, his superior merely answered with another question, "Why cut your fingernails when it keeps growing back?"

A very emotionally griping story that puts doubt in a person's mind whether world peace is actually a feasible idea when the diversity of the world population is so unimaginable. Complexity of life increases everyday that no single person can ever encompass in their minds. Even the concept of God seems insignificant by this growing monstrosity. Each day, we try to remind ourselves that we are individuals that are unique. But how often that our thoughts and way of living are dictated not by our own choice. Freedom and peace merely a facade. Man has become a statistic in a world where few govern many. Who are those that are truly free and powerful, who control the rest?

"Mundus Vult Decipi" - The world wants to be deceived.

Sex

2007-06-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

We are a repressed society. Liberal in name, not in thoughts nor morality. We have limited choice towards our own alignment to be good or bad. Can it not be said that some people at least are born to be evil? Must they force themselves to be good? Can we question whether being "good" is necessarily a natural form? Most choices like this are not given to us. The price to pay for a safe, harmonic and thriving society. Something like "The Matrix", where humans created machines to ensure their survival, at the cost of something more essential - choice.

One of the questions to pose, abstinence or contraceptions?

The importance of this lies in how each individual was brought up since birth. How does one choose abstinence or to practice safe sex (in terms outside of marriage, e.g premarital)? Talking about Malaysians , I'm quite sure most parents do not tell their teens in very clear terms whether to never have any premarital sex. Mostly, its just a vague idea of "don't do the wrong things" or "don't get (someone) pregnant before you're married" as soon as your parents find out that you're being close to someone of the opposite sex. Most probably, thats how their parents taught them as well. WELL, sex education arrives in the source of young boys talking excitedly of things they aren't really sure about (usually with one or two braggers) , the internet as well as various "academic papers" on the issue.

Society on the other hand, have a stronger say on this. Catholic churches and some other organization consider premarital sex as immoral. Buddhism has a vague view, which says abstinence against sexual misconduct (misconduct in Buddhism is often defined as that which brings harm to oneself, to others or to both oneself and others) but does not directly refer to premarital sex. On the overview, most people find the concept of a person being too liberal sexually as immoral. There's no well define line whether premarital sex is too liberal or not. As long as it doesn't raise any problems, people still practice it regardless of what society thinks. But if "accidents" happen, then expect a ruckus.

Its sort of hard to give a very profound moral choice of whether to practice abstinence or to practice safe sex. Sigmund Freud viewed sex as an important factor influencing everyday behaviour. That its a natural thing for humans past puberty to have a yearning for sex.

"Sexual education may thus be seen as providing individuals with the knowledge necessary to liberate themselves from socially organized sexual oppression and to make up their own minds. In addition, sexual oppression may be viewed as socially harmful." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_education

Another question about practicing premarital sex is - at what age is suitable for a person to have a sexual relationship? The issue here is how much maturity is needed to handle the responsibility of having sex, emotionally and mentally. Maturity is a factor that diverse from each individual. A 13 year old can have the thinking ability of a 25 years old, and vice versa. Who is to judge whether an individual is suitably matured? Whether that is still the choice of an individual or our friend - the oppressive society is hard to determine.

The morality of the act is also very much debatable. Is sex something that is immoral? Only to be done for the course of reproduction and never for pleasure? A question even great men cannot answer. It feels that to say no is to be a hypocrite and to say yes, immoral. One of the issues in the gray zone :P

What says you?

Dum-dee-dum dum

2007-06-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

"When life feels pretty satisfying, there seems no reason to update blogs" - Blogging 101

The quote above says pretty much about everything related to blogs...hehe.
Won't be updating on Redang since there's been alot of pictures of people's "bottom" running around websites.

My Ma used to say that you're suppose to keep in touch with old school mates. Especially secondary school ones, since they will be your closest friends in the later part of your life and you might need to depend on them. Thats why i guess i have an obligation to attend gatherings of old school mates or even organize them. Its just that things tend to get awkward when a bunch of da's and dee's get together not knowing what to talk about because they've been too busy going on with their current paths in life..making new friends and so so....

Nothing new there :) Humans are suppose to be like books to each other. There's a cover page with all those fancy decorations and there's the "inner sanctum" from the index (Ye'r character, hobbies, job, class, race, secrets and all kinds of hum-dums) And to say that we read each other is not too far from da mark. Just that some people are good at reading, and some are not. I dare say i got a lit'ta knack for da reading meeself. (sorry fer the slur- getting drunk)

These two friends i have..totaally opposite types of character...a da and a dee....they sort of seem to be searching for what they need outside of themselves. And i'll reckon they ain't finding what they're suppose to find. Its not that they haven't found something. Just that the thing they're finding isn't just belonging(hope they ain't joined the wrong bunch of travellers and end up inside a baatezu). Its something spiritual...some faith maybe? Not too sure meeself, but i bet-on-cha....that its something they've gotta look within!

A keg of fireseed wine, bartender!

Schizotypal....

2007-05-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Hehe..copied from Suj's blog...i'm relatively stable.

Song for Whoever - The Beautiful South

2007-05-20T01:57:00.000-07:00

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the prs cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
Ill sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs Ill creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, oh Deborah, oh Julie, oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, oh Alison, oh Phillipa, oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

*very interesting song, talks about how a guy who hasn't found his true soul mate feels about all the companions he's had all these years. Its not that he isn't sincere about loving his partner (or is just after the thrill of the hunt), just that he falls for one girl after another without knowing that the person he really loves is a symbolic of a perfect woman in his unconscious. Sort of a human trait not wanting to be alone....

Firing Up the Ice Berg!

2007-05-04T02:36:00.000-07:00

We have been going places, On my little piece of ice berg...
Little penguin and I have stopped so long
in this town of mine,
Its time to fire that ice berg up again,
Its time to fire that ice berg up again,
Little penguin come along,
Bring your fishing rods and song,
We're going places, on my little piece of ice berg....

Tzu Chi on Weesak Day

2007-05-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

Tzu Chi centre's main hall where we went for a "Yu Fo" or directly translated as bathing the buddha ceremony on Weesak's day. Free vegetarian food was supplied at their canteen. Around 4 types of dishes, a choice of lotus soup and green beans soup and even fruits. The food was simple yet delicious, better than any vegetarian restaurants in Malacca.

Some of the artwork done by Tzu Chi's art class students. They provide tea making classes, Japanese level 2 language classes, yoga for adults and children, basic writing and reading in English, pottery classes, potpourri making classes and a few more.

They even have a Starbucks like cafe inside their cultural building. Fully air conditioned. The aroma of coffee was delicious.... There's a big LCD screen fitted into the walls in the middle of the room where they feature monthly movies. The only requirement is that you book the number of seats earlier, and buy a drink while you watch the movie. This Saturday, March of the Penguins... :P And yes, she's definitely going.